Out of My Control
by xXLiarXXLiarXx
Summary: The ink that's stain the paper. The words that flow from this mouth. The beauty that's created. The beauty that's destoryed. It's all out of my control. All of it's just part of my past that I continue to repeat. R&R- rated T for violence and language :


Chapter One: The First Day

Trudging my feet along the rough pavement, I just nodded away. The music pounded in my ears…it always takes away some of the problems, some of the fears.

_What are the teachers like this year? Do I keep the same ones? What are my electives?_

The first day of school, yeah how fucking exciting! Please tell me you saw the sarcasm. I just hate school, no matter how much time I spend with my friends here versus anywhere else. Then again, who doesn't?

_**You think you know me  
Word on the street is that you do  
you want my history  
what others tell you won't be true (1) **_

Seriously, I am better off not going to school. I'm smart enough as it is. I'm person-smart as it is. Look at me…I'm trying to away from school. I am such a retard. There is no escaping this part of life.

_**I hear you talking  
Well, it's my turn now  
I'm talking back  
Look in my eyes  
So you can see just where I'm at(1)**_

"Good Morning, Mrs. Virgin." I respond in the sweetest voice I can muster. I've put up with her for eight-years-going-on-nine. She nods my way and shoos me off. Of course, she always has to do something at every hour of the fucking day.

These stairs are a pain in the ass (PITA for short). Three flights of starts built incorrectly encourage horrible leg workouts, an angry me, and of course pain in the upper legs and my back…I'M CARRYING A BOOKBAG, GODDAMIT!

_**Priests clutched onto bibles  
Hollowed out to fit their rifles  
and the cross was held aloft (2)**_

Unto the other song, I assume. I awaited the teacher's entrance along with twenty or so other students. Some I knew, some where friends, some where complete bitches. But, hey, that's life for you. Life is unfair and can be a complete bitch at times. I wonder what I did to deserve such pain…never mind. I know exactly what I did.

_**The sun is gone and the flowers rot  
Words are spaces between us  
and I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost  
And I should've been down when you made me insecure (3)**_

The end of the day reaches me, and again I trudge along the pavement, gum stuck on my new shoes. Coughing at the smell of exhaust I reach into my pocket for a key. Maybe I can just write it all away- like I always do.

_**Hate me, break me down  
So break me down  
So break me down  
So break me down if it makes you feel right  
And hate me now if it keeps you alright  
You can break me down if it takes all your might  
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye(3)**_

Sleep never really does encompass my mind. It's always searching for new ideas. Always thinking of a better way to live, or a new word, or a problem to figure out. It never stops. Then again, I never stop. The music slowly fades into the background and I repeat the day ever so slowly in my head.

_**Must be something confided  
Must be someway to feel the pain and heal again  
Pain and pleasure, inviting  
I don't think so anymore  
It's hurting again now  
And I don't need pills  
When I have drugs like you  
It's hurting again now  
It's killing me to be here all alone(4)**_

Vision blackens as I finally see the Sandman come and blow sleeping dust into my eyes. But words spoken do not leave me at a complete rest.

I am going to live a better year this year.

I am going to be a different person this year.

I am going to smile more this year.

I am going to go through hell this year…

"Welcome to Journalism. My name is Ms. Caram…"

And it all started from there.

Now my writing will be graded, and my journals, and everything else. Great- this is what I get…karma just has to be the bitch.

_**I'm just like you, just not a fool  
I'm just like you, just not as cool  
I'm just like you, just not a fool  
I'm just like you....(4)**_

Songs used:

Autobiography- Ashlee Simpson

Violet Hill- Coldplay

Break Me Down- Seether

World Falls Away- Seether

A/N: Yeah, this is kind of a real life thing. I'm just making it a bit different. Like taking out the boring stuff. I'm keeping the real date by the way, of the things that happened. School started for the 08-09 year August 20th if I am not mistaken because of a hurricane warning.

I know that it sounds boring right now- but trust me. It's not a boring series. It will get better…and better…and hopefully stay there (or keep getting better  ).


End file.
